Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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