The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
