WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
