Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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