too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Randomize
