Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
