What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
