So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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