Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
