Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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