everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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