my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
