Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize