The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
