He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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