Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
