why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
