I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
