Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Randomize
