I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I take back everything I said about communal showers
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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