I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Pants are for mortals
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