She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Randomize
