this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
