Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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