Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
