can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Randomize
