How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I'm at about main and main street
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
