Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
It's shark week go big or go home
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
