you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
