My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
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