it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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