Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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