I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
