i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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