how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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