Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
