He disabled his match.com account in front of me
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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