there's paper in my vomit.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
