the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize