Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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