I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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