I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
