It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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