if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
A bitchslap is in order.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
