If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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