There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize