yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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