I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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