week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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