The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
i believe in u and ur pee
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
