What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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