idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize
