Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
