Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
