my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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