found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
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