Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize