Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
