I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
