You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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