Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
