my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
